Sweet Dreams

I had a ... primary school class gathering today. It was, as expected, nice to see those that turned up, but also filled with meaningless conversation that never gets anywhere. I kinda hated it, and yet I didn't want to leave when I had to, because a part of me found some enjoyment in being part of a group, even a hollow one.

Someone also mentioned that in my chosen career path I'd probably end up having to play this social game for a large majority of my life. Those... group lunches, and all those activities that you have to join in to be accepted into the 'gang', so you can be generally liked and make your work life easier. It was, I admit, something that I've not considered until now. I don't know if I'll ever be able to do something like that purely for the sake of integrating into a social circle that I have no desire to be a part of, but I need for my job. It's not that I'm incapable of it, I think. I've done it many times before, but never on a consistent basis. But the latter is probably what's required, which is what does scare me.

I don't like groups in general. I don't even like outings with more than two people. Four isn't so bad, the two couples can always flit back and forth around. But odd numbers always make someone (most oftenly me) feel like the awkward third eye, and anything more than that makes the conversation so pointless. The more people there are the less likely you are to find conversation topics that can tell you the most about the people involved, to such point that everything just becomes idel pleasantries. Perhaps I'm exaggerating abit, but you get what I mean.

One to one dates, one the other hand, are nice. You have the undivided attention of the other party, and vice versa. Everything that comes up will be something that you can relate to, and on the rare occasions that it's not, it's a direct line into the other person's thoughts and personality. Some people find it awkward though, especially when you hit a dry slump and there's nothing to fill the void between two people except look uncomfortably at something else until the next topic comes up. Personally I'd much rather have an awkward silence than a social facade. At least I know that I'm not the only one that's feeling out-of-place at a meeting.