Disparity

Every night I go to sleep disappointed with myself for having wasted yet another day away. And promise myself that tomorrow will be different, that I'm actually gonna DO something productive. And every morning I wake up with fire in my back muscles instead of my veins, and when any morning strength you can muster is devoted to pulling yourself out of bed and walking so slowly to the bathroom it's pretty damn hard to want to do anything else for the rest of the day.

I woke up this morning in serious amounts of pain, like every inch of my back just ACHED like crazy. It was about 10 and I thought I had slept enough already so I went to the bathroom, and for some reason after I walked out the bathroom door I just collapsed on the floor there. Like my legs just gave way and refused to work. I literally crawled back to my bed and managed to pull myself up and stay there, where I slept til about... now.

It seems that little parts of me/my life are breaking down piece by piece around me. I don't even know if it's due to no fault on my part or because I've neglected them. And with everything that dies the effort to revive each and every one saps a little bit more out of me. And I'm not sure how much I have left.