There is nothing more depressing than reading blogs about the lives of your friends when you're stuck in a place with limited connection to the outside world. More and more I make the distinction between 'Camp' and 'Home', as if I'm living two different lives that have absolutely no connection with each other.
I don't even know why I do this. None of my camp friends know any of my friends from outside, (the one time I met up with camp people for an outing was a LAN session, which of course involved less interaction with people and more interaction with Gondar), and vice versa. I am also a completely different person inside camp. Can't really explain this but you might get what I mean.
Heh. Sounds kinda stupid, but two of the blogs I just read had pictures of the sky, and I suddenly had this feeling of a prisoner who only gets to see the sky in pictures from the outside world.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Idealism
It's one of those mornings where Iwake up early for something which gets cancelled, but since I'm awake it seems like too much of a waste to go back to sleep. I walk around the empty house wondering what to do and I guess I inevitably drift here. (Incidently, I'm starting to find my house an emptier and emptier place. It's... sad, somehow)
I saw Street Fighter and Watchmen yesterday, and I doubt many will agree with me when I say both were awesome movies in their own right. It's not that my tastes are getting superficial by enjoying a senseless beat-em-up film like the former. Movies are... pretty much the only way I get that kind of thing these days. What rather amused me yesterday was the amount of people in the cinema after the film bitching about how they'd just wasted $10 on the worst movie ever, and how it made a better parody then a film in its own right. Sometimes altering (not lowering) your expectations makes you a much happier person. There's nothing but the win to look forward to in Tekken, but you can lose a match in SF4 and still feel that pure unsupressed joy in connecting the Shinryuken, RD or Final Atomic Buster. I suppose that's why I still play games at this age. I don't play sheerly to win every match I enter, but neither do I play with a lacklustre attitude that makes me indifferent to the outcome. It isn't a job, nor is it a hobby. Its the small moments that come on a daily basis, sometimes so small that I barely acknowledge it, that make it all worth while. Same goes for music. Nothing else can replicate that. What you put in influences what you get.
Last night I questioned Rorschach's decision to die for what he believed in rather than live a lie he helped to perpetrate. Sure it's an age-old utilitarian millions-for-billions debate, where everybody has their own view on what's right or wrong. Actually no. Most people don't really know where they stand on this. I least of them. What we say hypothetically means nothing when we're not actually put in that situation. Rorschach understood very clearly where he stood, and he died, as far as the world was concerned, a meaningless death. Sure there's that notion of nobility, martyrdom in dying for what you believe in. I think I'm oversimplifying Rorschach's psyche in this case, but it's to make a point. I woke up this morning wondering if I was still like that. Stubborn, uncompromising and more willing to die than accept a different way of life than what I believed in. I suppose that's how people still see me. It's too daunting an image to shatter anymore. But now I have a decision to stop fighting needlessly and just go along with the current, and go into something that I never believed before two weeks ago that I could do. I'd like to believe that I've stood up too long when standing wasn't easy, and maybe it's time to shelve that self-destructive pride and lie down for a bit. It... doesn't really mean that I'm betraying what I believe in, the very fact that I made the decision to flow with the current as opposed to those who just get sucked in by it makes a difference. Or at least, I'd hope so. You could argue that the end result is still the same, that an accountant is an accountant. But then again, I'm not making that decision for You now, am I?
A good game isn't measured by a win or loss, kills or deaths, points or goals. It's measured by the feeling of doing all you can with what you have, regardless of the outcome. And at the end of the day if you find that it wasn't enough it will never exactly be the best feeling in the world. But there is sweetness in bittersweet, if you choose to taste it that way. And I suppose there is joy to be found in everything, if you choose to look for it.
I saw Street Fighter and Watchmen yesterday, and I doubt many will agree with me when I say both were awesome movies in their own right. It's not that my tastes are getting superficial by enjoying a senseless beat-em-up film like the former. Movies are... pretty much the only way I get that kind of thing these days. What rather amused me yesterday was the amount of people in the cinema after the film bitching about how they'd just wasted $10 on the worst movie ever, and how it made a better parody then a film in its own right. Sometimes altering (not lowering) your expectations makes you a much happier person. There's nothing but the win to look forward to in Tekken, but you can lose a match in SF4 and still feel that pure unsupressed joy in connecting the Shinryuken, RD or Final Atomic Buster. I suppose that's why I still play games at this age. I don't play sheerly to win every match I enter, but neither do I play with a lacklustre attitude that makes me indifferent to the outcome. It isn't a job, nor is it a hobby. Its the small moments that come on a daily basis, sometimes so small that I barely acknowledge it, that make it all worth while. Same goes for music. Nothing else can replicate that. What you put in influences what you get.
Last night I questioned Rorschach's decision to die for what he believed in rather than live a lie he helped to perpetrate. Sure it's an age-old utilitarian millions-for-billions debate, where everybody has their own view on what's right or wrong. Actually no. Most people don't really know where they stand on this. I least of them. What we say hypothetically means nothing when we're not actually put in that situation. Rorschach understood very clearly where he stood, and he died, as far as the world was concerned, a meaningless death. Sure there's that notion of nobility, martyrdom in dying for what you believe in. I think I'm oversimplifying Rorschach's psyche in this case, but it's to make a point. I woke up this morning wondering if I was still like that. Stubborn, uncompromising and more willing to die than accept a different way of life than what I believed in. I suppose that's how people still see me. It's too daunting an image to shatter anymore. But now I have a decision to stop fighting needlessly and just go along with the current, and go into something that I never believed before two weeks ago that I could do. I'd like to believe that I've stood up too long when standing wasn't easy, and maybe it's time to shelve that self-destructive pride and lie down for a bit. It... doesn't really mean that I'm betraying what I believe in, the very fact that I made the decision to flow with the current as opposed to those who just get sucked in by it makes a difference. Or at least, I'd hope so. You could argue that the end result is still the same, that an accountant is an accountant. But then again, I'm not making that decision for You now, am I?
A good game isn't measured by a win or loss, kills or deaths, points or goals. It's measured by the feeling of doing all you can with what you have, regardless of the outcome. And at the end of the day if you find that it wasn't enough it will never exactly be the best feeling in the world. But there is sweetness in bittersweet, if you choose to taste it that way. And I suppose there is joy to be found in everything, if you choose to look for it.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Crisis
Zomg Accountancy identity crisis how how how?
I feel like I'd be selling my soul if I went to study Accountancy.
Haha I'm really glad I watched 'Push' instead of Watchmen. It's seriously awesome, in a if-you-don't-give-a-shit-about-plot-coherence-and-normal-movie-stuff and just enjoy awesome people acting cool for an hour and half kinda way.
I think... I'm starting to want slightly less depth, and more superficiality in my life.
I feel like I'd be selling my soul if I went to study Accountancy.
Haha I'm really glad I watched 'Push' instead of Watchmen. It's seriously awesome, in a if-you-don't-give-a-shit-about-plot-coherence-and-normal-movie-stuff and just enjoy awesome people acting cool for an hour and half kinda way.
I think... I'm starting to want slightly less depth, and more superficiality in my life.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Exercise
I am marginally surprised to find that I'm actually fitter than I thought I was. Which proves that I don't need constant exercise to keep fit! Hurray.
These last 4 days I've actually felt what it's like to live a normal life. God knows how much I miss it. And I've actually managed to fill each day with rather meaningful activities, which gives a rather strange sense of accomplishment even though all I kinda really wanted was to spend a whole day doing my own things at home.
On a completely seperate note, I think irrational people irritate me so much because they cause me to become irrational as well in order to deal with them.
... Which only irritates me even more.
These last 4 days I've actually felt what it's like to live a normal life. God knows how much I miss it. And I've actually managed to fill each day with rather meaningful activities, which gives a rather strange sense of accomplishment even though all I kinda really wanted was to spend a whole day doing my own things at home.
On a completely seperate note, I think irrational people irritate me so much because they cause me to become irrational as well in order to deal with them.
... Which only irritates me even more.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Millionaire
So I managed to watch Slumdog Millionaire last night and I guess I wasn't in that cynical of a mood to enjoy it. It kinda made me feel that this is what Disney movies should be about, not all that crap about teenagers singing and dancing everywhere they can. The ending dance sequence was pretty cool too, actually.
There's something to be said about living with whatever little you have. Sure it's nice to be well-off and have everything you need at your fingertips, but there's this... certain thrill that comes with making the most out of what you have, and fashioning makeshift things to slowly build your way up to the top.
There's something to be said about living with whatever little you have. Sure it's nice to be well-off and have everything you need at your fingertips, but there's this... certain thrill that comes with making the most out of what you have, and fashioning makeshift things to slowly build your way up to the top.
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